Probably the best way to make you feel bad about yourself is to try on a bathing suit. So maybe not everyone feels that way, but I know I do. I’m not huge into swimming. I am a high maintenance chick. I know it doesn’t totally seem that way with all the mud runs and stuff, but I generally don’t like being somewhere when I don’t have make up on or my hair done. So I think the last time I actually wore a bathing suit was, well I can’t even remember.
Then something clicked in my head and all the sudden all I wanted to do was swim, maybe it was the heat this summer, I don’t know, but when Brandi and I booked our room in Vegas for September, all I had in my head was swimming in the hotel pool. So I went searching for a bathing suit.
I already had a few things going against me the first being its the end of August, sure everything is on sale, but they are also sold out. Second what the heck size am I since I had to order online.
That is the suit I bought… I thought it would be flattering with the draping on the front. I wasn’t expecting to look like the girl in the picture but i didn’t think it would be a disaster. I suppose it isn’t horrible but it definetly isn’t made that well. I ordered a size larger than I thought I would be (because it said to) and it is slightly too big so it doesn’t like squeeze me in at all like I hoped, but the way it was printed it actually turns almost sheer on the back. Should I do a test soak in the shower to make sure that it doesn’t turn see through when its wet? lol. I also apparently have a long torso, who would have thought, I am only 5’2 on a good day, and I am kind of too long for this bathing suit. I honestly thought by now I would be a little more comfortable with myself. I think what is taking its toll on me now is only having things that actually fit half the time. So many of my clothes hang on me funny that now I just constantly feel frumpy. Then putting on a bathing suit last night sealed the deal.
I realize I have lost a lot of weight already, but I am still no where near the goal that I am still not sure of other than “I want to be happy with my appearance”. But seeing myself in a bathing suit made me feel so vulnerable that I know the first time I step foot out by the pool I will be super uncomfortable, but we’ll see.
Am I still going to hang by the pool in Vegas? Probably. Am I going to buy a cute cover up? Absolutely. I am also going to look for a different better suit when I am out in LA since NYC is wiped out of anything decent. All I care about right now is getting out of New York and going out to see my friends in LA and having fun!
The countdown has begun. I am finally up to 34 pounds, 1 pound left until I reach another little milestone in my journey. These last few pounds have been so tough to get rid of, I have switched up my routines and been working harder than ever, but the pounds are coming off slower and slower. Hopefully I can hit the 35 pound mark while I am in LA, and maybe I can get one of my awesome LA photographer friends to do a quick shoot for me to celebrate hehe.